In the eyes of the modern single, it has become apparent that there are two types of crushes: the type that turns you into a delicate, doe-eyed little ingenue who bats her eyelashes and listens to a playlist of songs devoted to thinking about him while crying in the shower, but then...THEN there’s the type that turns you into a straight up psycho-STALKER. Suddenly, you find yourself looking at his 2011 family trip to the Cayman Islands wondering where his Aunt Cheryl got her earrings and if she’d loan them to you for the family holiday party. Who’s to say which type of hopeless devotion is healthier? Does your current crush turn you into a SIMP or a PSYCHO?
It’s the difference between the origin of the phrase “madly in love” versus “blissfully in love.” It’s the reason Carrie Bradshaw hunted down Mr. Big’s Ex Wife and pitched a fake book, meanwhile, she complained to her friends about Aidan being too sweet. It’s passion against COMpassion. It’s multiple orgasms versus forehead kisses.
So which is the superior type of crush? Which will ultimately lead to a healthier and altogether more successful relationship? Well, let’s look at the facts. There’s a level of dedication and passion that lives with borderline psychosis. Becoming a “psycho” for someone involves a colossal amount of overthinking--meaning, in essence, that this person lives in your brain rent-free. In other words, you wouldn’t be totally crazy for someone if you didn’t care. It’s the thrill of the chase--it’s honestly far more entertaining to look up someone’s childhood home on Zillow than to hear about their childhood. In the vein of Les Mis, Cosette was the simp and Eponine was the psycho, and who did you root for? Eponine dressed up as a man and died at the barricade for him--how romantic--whereas all Cosette did was stand around and look pretty. I’m just saying. Psycho-love is totally all-consuming. If that’s not genuine adoration, then what is?
Simp, by definition, was originally intended to be an insult. You’ll often find people annoyed at themselves for “simping” as it typically means that you’ve lost the power in the situation. It means that you’ve become completely submissive to the other and you’re blinded by love, unaffected by the other person’s flaws. You’ve become that way-too-in-love friend who everyone can’t stand to be around. Psycho stories are arguably far more interesting, and although at first glance it may seem insane, your friends are far less likely to punch you in the face if you’re not simping.
I’m not saying that I endorse moderate bouts of insanity when it comes to crushes, because if it were up to me, I would rather have someone wrap me up in a blanket and tell me I’m pretty than become the topic of conversation in a cognitive behavioral therapy session. But simping is simply unrealistic. It’s infatuation, and it’s only temporary. If you find that person who drives you absolutely psycho, hold on and never let go.
Comments